I told you guys before that B-Double (of YourFavoriteWhiteBoy.com) is the truth. That why we swipe his articles all the time. He breaks down the 4 ways Kanye can get his G-Card. Hilarity ensues. – B-Easy
Kanye: Now that you’ve been hit up with misdemeanor charges vandalism, grand theft and battery, you’re really on his way to growing from backpack hipster to thugged out street hustler. Even though the charges will likely result in a fine, now you got yourself a record. But why stop there? You can gain an entirely new audience by flipping the script, leave your Heartbreak behind you and get real grimy. How? Well, I’m glad you asked.
1. Hire A Goon
Your manager helping to beat down the paparazzi was cool and all, but I think if you really wants to become known as a street dude, he needs to get more muscle in his crew. You needs someone who is willing to smack up disrespectful rappers, stab your enemies and get locked up on your behalf. With T.I. going away, I understand Alfamega might be looking for work.
2. A Cup of That Purple Stuff
Forget Ace of Spades or Henny, if you wants to prove you’re in touch with that Dirty South steelo, you need a styrofoam cup of that sizzurp with you at all times. Sure, it will make it hard to concentrate and will probably damage your long-term health, but this is for the love of music. Look at Weezy – if he’s not drunk off that stuff, he’s reading the Wall Street Journal and putting you to sleep with talk about how green his lawn is this year.
3. Take One For The Team
It can’t just be all about you causing damage on others. You need to show that you’re deep enough in these streets that you’re willing to put yourself at risk. You need to get yourself shot or cut or at least put in the hospital. Now, since its not part of your natural environment, you probably will have to get one of your boys to do it. Not to worry, it doesn’t need to be two in the chest. We’ve seen you can still up your rep by getting shot in the ass , the cheek or even almost shooting your own nuts off. Now, that car wreck probably hurt a lot more than anything that your crew will do, so just close your eyes and think of Amber Rose.
4. Get Yourself A Title
“The Louis Vuitton Don” just doesn’t scream “G”. Instead, you need to adopt some kind of a mafia family ranking in order to be respected. Since “Bawse” and “Capo” are currently taken, I’m thinking maybe you should go with “Generalisimo” or, out of respect for Big Brother, “Consigliere”. Given its you, maybe you could go with “Emperor” or “Exaulted Ruler”. Kinda fits, actually.